Of all the tools, step work can be the most challenging yet the most rewarding. After finishing yet another 4th and 5th step I thought the hard work was past me until I got to step 9. I told myself that steps 6 and 7 are just about recognizing my defects and letting my Higher Power "fix them" and then I would just gracefully move on. Uh, I was sadly mistaken. In working the 6th and 7th I have come upon numerous defects that I have been carrying my entire life. And in becoming willing for HP to remove these defects of character I have to look them dead in the eye, confront them, accept them, work through any emotions surrounding them and only then can I be willing for HP to remove them. A recent character defect slammed me to the ground this past weekend, I had to admit something I had been carrying for a long time and living full throttle for the last 10 months in one specific situation. Oh the shame, oh the pain and the anger around "why am I still living this way?" and "I don't WANT to live this way!" So, as usual, the beauty of the program and all the tools that I can use to work through this have been amazing. Am I on the other side of this yet? No but pretty darn close. Have I come a long way in just catching it after 2 days (as opposed to 10 years!)? Yes. I will ride the wave as this too shall pass. I'm so grateful that there is a local meeting today and I will be there, maybe not with bells on, but I will be there!
The opinions expressed here are those of the individual OA member and do not represent OA as a whole.